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Did I get re-married too soon?

Dear Friends,

I got remarried and really do not feel like explaining why I got remarried, but it seems that I have to. My second marriage has confused and negatively affected several good relationship with relatives and friends, who claimed that I got remarried too soon. “Too soon???” Who is the one to decide what is “soon” and what is not??

Soojin, my former wife, died while I was with her the whole time at the hospital where she delivered our son, Theo. After that, I have been blaming myself every second. To think that I could have maybe prevented the death has been the scariest thing and I tried to avoid as much as possible. And, now, the hospital is trying to put all the blame on me in the court. I know logically that their argument is the most stupid thing in the world, but if and only if their argument won in the court in Jordan, how can I explain the death of his biological mother to Theo? How can I be a good father to him, while being blamed of the death of his biological mother? The hospital, one of the most famous ones in Middle East, is trying to destroy my life entirely.

Due to this, I have become very sensitive to small tiny comments from family and friends, that could have one per cent of connotation of blaming me. I just can not take it. Like when my mother told me two months after Soojin`s passing that I drank too much of grape juice inside the refrigerator, my mind was like “how can you say this when your son just lost his wife? Could you not be happy to see him being able to drink something he likes? He is at least alive, is not he?”

I lost much of my memories before Soojin died and one of my relatives got angry with me since I could not remember that she gave me some baby books as a present when Soojin was alive. I did not even remember where they were or if I was given such a thing. She said “I cannot believe that you do not even remember it” with loud voice. I lost my words, thinking “It is just books isnot it?? I lost my wife, and your husband is alive. Why do you have to scream against me? You should be happy to see me alive and even if I get arrested by a police for breaking someone`s car, I do not really want you to scream at me, who just went through the most unimaginable experience.

Since my mind was so sensitive like this, it was difficult for me to stay with anyone. I left my parent home only 4 days after I started to live with them. I went to my friend`s house in Osaka (800km away) and sister`s place, etc. During the first six months of his life, Theo slept in 10 different locations, 7 different municipalities and two coutries.


It was difficult for me to continue like that, keep moving to one place from another. At the same time, I did not have confidence to live with Theo alone. My psychological situation was not ready for it. If I am left alone with Theo, the reality of Soojin`s death become more realistic than ever and I could not cope with facing the reality. I had to be with someone to escape from the reality, but that could not be anyone, because of my high sensitivity.

Since one of my relatives is a member of kibbutz style collective community based on agriculture, I called him to see if I can come and see the community, where all the members are obliged to donate all the individual properties before joining. If I go there, I thought that I do not have to be alone and there would be some people who could always offer some help with Theo. But, our schedules did not match, so I had to postpone.

Then, my former friend, Azusa kindly came to help me. She did not say anything to activate my sensitivity, but just quietly observed my challenge and offered any support she could do. She took care of Theo for two to three hours a day, so that I get some time to sleep. It was difficult for me to go out of the house without anyone`s support, but with Azusa, we could go to Hot spring, café and other places. Azusa also helped my 77 year old mother with washing dishes and cooking, which helped to improve my relationship with them. She literally saved my life.

Azusa and I got married in November 2017. My parents who witnessed my suffering, were very happy to see me being with Azusa. However, among relatives and friends, there were some who could not immediately expressed their words of congratulations. One of them even said “If I were Soojin, I would not be happy to see you being with someone so soon”. I felt my neck being squeezed by this statement. Among all the options that I could think of, being with Azusa was the only way for me to survive, and if this person wants to take this option away from me, he is basically saying I do not need to live any longer. “Do you know what it is like to lose someone so important suddenly right after the happiest moment in your life?” I became quite emotional against the person.

Who would know the feeling of Soojin better than me? My remarriage does not mean Soojin just became nothing to me. It is not easy for me to describe my feelings to Soojin in words. Since both of us were working for the UN, it was not easy for both of us to get a job in the same place. And, I knew Soojin was more suitable to UN job and was sure that she would become someone very important in the institution, I was happy to follow her wherever she goes and gave sushi lessons in Azerbaijan and Jordan.

No matter how much we love each other, unless we die at the same time, it is inevitable that one of us will have to live without the other at some point. Because we loved each other too much, we, at least I, were already thinking, with great fear, of the time of being alone. We were talking to each other that, when one of us dies first, then lets not interfere with the live of the other from the heaven”. This talking unexpectedly became such a great insurance for me to minimize the damage from this biggest tragedy. Even if I was the one to die first, I would want Soojin to recover as soon as she can, no matter what it takes, including being with someone else. I would be happy to see her just being able to survive, especially after seeing many people dying soon after the passing of their spouses.

Soojin`s mother, who lives in Cambodia, was originally saying that “you better find a good mother for the baby soon”. But then, when I told her that I actually found one, we lost contact for one week. Then, I got a phone call from her, who said, “in the beginning, it was difficult for me to accept, as I felt it bit too soon, and I was crying everyday. But, now I am ok. I told myself that, because you loved Soojin too much, it was too difficult for you to deal with it alone. This is the best solution for the baby as well”. I took Azusa to Cambodia in August 2017 and Soojin`s mother said “Azusa is the treasure from the heaven”. We still keep in touch frequently and she told me not to talk about Soojin in front of Azusa.

Everyone has his or her way to survive tragedy. And, I hope that, unless the process involves a crime, it should be respected at all cost. I appreciate Azusa to save my life and that of my son, and Soojin will be the one to appreciate it more than anyone else.

Theo is going to be a big broher in April. In September last year, several friends came to celebrate Theo:s birthday, as well as commemorate the passing of Soojin. Azusa, who goes to a collage to be a nurse, kept herself busy with baking a birthday cake for Theo and cleaning the house, while studying for the school and being pregnant, and she ended up in the emergency room at the hospital and missed the bithday party for Theo, which she planned to organize some games etc for a long time. Azusa is always the one to put new flowers in front of Soojin's ash.

On Jan 14th, we had a small wedding with immediate family members only. Azusa gave a short speech with tears, stating "I am not fully confident that i can be as good mother to Theo as his real mother. But, I just try to tell myself that she wishes Theo to grow well and the only thing I can do is to help the wish as much as I can".

For Jan 18th, Soojin's birthday, I asked Azusa with tears if it is ok to celebrate, and she happily agreed, saying I should spend the dsay as I want. She baked a cake, while I cooked sweet and sour pork, the favorite dish of Soojin. We ate together and I talked a bit about some memories of Soojin birthdays.

There will be many challenges and uncertainty in our future. But, the only thing I know with full confidence is that there is no one in this world who has a right to tell us that we got marreid too soon. If anyone wants to think that, that is fine, but I rather be with someone who can feel happy to see me surviving the most unimaginable tragedy. Whether the remarriiage is too soon or not, at least, I am alive with good health and that would be the most importnt thing for Theo, Azusa and Soojin.

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Help me to find justice for my deceased wife

I need your support in my search of the truth behind the death of my wife, at 33 years of age. Help me prevent any more loss of innocent life at the hands of an irresponsible doctor.

On Sep 6th 2016, my first child was born. The day after, my wife passed away. The cause of death was massive bleeding as a result of a C-section performed during the childbirth. Bleeding started from her uterus after the delivery and culminated in DIC (Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation), which took away the ability of the blood to clot and resulted in continuous bleeding from multiple organs of her body.

Soojin, my wife, was originally from South Korea, and worked for the United Nations in Jordan. I followed her to Amman as a house husband. As long as I could stay with my wife, I was a happy man, personal career concerns shunted aside.
The day after she passed away I received a 2-page report from the hospital. It was written by Dr. K (I will leave the name anonymous), who was in charge of her operations and who also happens to be the president of the hospital. The report had several factual mistakes and did not even explain the cause of death. The most misleading statement was the following: "At around 6:30 AM (on Sep 7th), she [my wife] became irritable and upon trying to take her vital signs, her husband was aggressive and uncooperative and asked us to leave the room. Her condition deteriorated quickly and she went into shock. She was transferred immediately to the operating theatre and she developed cardio-vascular arrest."

This is absolutely false. At 6:30 AM my wife was already unconscious, her face having turned pale while her lips became white. At such a critical time, asking medical staff to leave the room is tantamount to murder. Nobody would do such a foolish thing. Far from it, at that very time I was pleading with the doctors and nurses to attend to Soojin, screaming "Please help! Her face is pale and she is breathing strangely!"

The hospital also shared a set of medical files on Soojin, and I shared these with gynecologists, pediatricians and hematologists in Japan. They all stated that the files lack very basic information. In Japan, a medical report is supposed to include the doctor's statements on the results of the medical examinations performed, the evaluation of the patients' condition, and the justification for which medical interventions were taken, at which stage. However, the files did not contain any of these materials. This raised many questions, such as whether a blood test was administered at the right time, whether the amount of blood transfusion was appropriate, whether the hysterectomy was done at the right moment, and when the hospital noticed that Soojin was hit with DIC.

I prepared a letter to Dr. K with three main requests. First, I asked him to edit the incorrect information on his medical report. Second, I asked him to share all the medical data including Soojin's pulse and heart-rate. Lastly, I asked him to explain how they evaluated the condition of Soojin in a chronological order and what interventions they took, at which stage, and based on what information. On Oct 5th 2016, I went to the hospital and submitted this letter to Dr. K in person and asked him to respond by Oct 12th.

On Oct 12th, I received an email from Dr. K. stating that "The file and supporting documents including the medical report dated 8 September 2016 explain and clarify in full details the events, medical measures and procedures that took place in respect of late Mrs. Soojin Hyung's case". All my questions were ignored. I replied, "Please read my questions carefully and answer one by one". Then, he replied that "all the information on the report is correct. For the rest of questions, please give me one week to prepare". I have not heard anything from him since.

Then, something more unbelievable occurred. On Oct 7th, I received the autopsy report. Much of this four-page hand-written report was copied verbatim from the report written by Dr. K. Needless to say, the false part in which I supposedly asked medical staff to leave the room is included. Moreover, Soojin's uterus was not examined. The original cause of her death was bleeding from the uterus, and so, without examining her uterus, it would be difficult to know the real cause in more details. During the operations, Soojin's uterus was taken out, without prior consensus nor notification afterwards, and it was not even examined in the autopsy. I do not even know where it is currently.

There is no gynecologist in the Middle East who does not know Dr. K. The Jordanian Royal Family is treated by Dr. K and many pregnant women from neighboring countries come to Jordan just to seek his medical expertise. Many Western diplomats in Jordan also use this hospital for their deliveries. In other words, Dr. K. is the “King” of this field.

That is well reflected in the last sentence of his report: "I would like to emphasize at the end that there was no negligence at all or delay from the hospital". ‘Negligence’, which, in principal, can only be judged by the judiciary, is being defined by the doctor himself, who was in charge of operations. It is difficult to believe that such statement could be so openly made in the official letter.

There is not much a foreigner like myself can do to take action against such a famous doctor. If there is an institution that could help me, it would be either Korean or Japanese embassy in Jordan. I asked both embassies if they could accompany me to submit a letter to Dr. K., after explaining that I did not get all the information I needed from the hospital. However, the Korean embassy refused, stating "it is not the job of the embassy to raise medical questions to the hospital", and the Japanese embassy also declined by saying "since the embassy is not the party directly concerned with this case, the best thing is to solve within the conflict resolution system, that includes judiciary, in Jordan".

There seemed to be no way out for me, so I had no choice but to go for the legal recourse. I was forced to go back to Japan at the end of October, since I could no longer apply for a visa extension as a dependent of Soojin. Then, I flew back to Jordan on November 29th and, with support from a Jordanian lawyer introduced to me by a friend, I submitted a letter of complaint against the hospital and Dr. K. to the Office of the General Prosecutor in Jordan. On Nov 30th, a prosecutor called me for an interview and he promised me that his office would order the hospital to disclose all the information related to the death of Soojin.

The Prosecutor established a special committee composed of three Jordanian gynecologists, who evaluated the medical files submitted by the hospital and, in July 2017, handed over their report to the prosecutor. The report noted that it was extremely odd to see an autopsy report that includes reports prepared by the hospital. They concluded that the hospital and Dr. K. caused the death of my wife by failing to act quickly even though they must have known of the high possibility of massive bleeding caused by the loosening of the uterus. Based on this report, the Office of the Prosecutor of Jordan has charged Dr. K with medical negligence. The prosecutor states that, even though Dr. K. should have been aware of the possibility of massive bleeding after conducting a C-Section on Soojin, he did not provide proper and timely medical care, such as doing a hysterectomy, that, as a result, resulted in the death of my wife.
Upon informing of my wife’s passing on the 7th of September 2016, Dr. K. added these words: “this is the first time such a thing has happened in this hospital”. This comment incensed me, adding to the emotional shock I was experiencing. Why would I care whether or not this was the first time this happened in their hospital? That statement was nothing more than a reflection of his desire to protect the reputation of the hospital. I felt so helpless and guilty that I had handed over the life of my wife and child to such a man. And I became certain that Dr. K would commit the same mistake again. I now feel obliged to prevent such a tragedy from taking place again by finding out the truth behind Soojin’s death. I hope to hear a sincere and honest explanation at the trial.

I named my son "千汪”(Theo). 千 means one thousand in Japanese, and 汪 means tears. When he was born and welcomed to the world, one thousand people shed tears; I would like him to be as sympathetic to the tears of others as his mother was. I would also like for the hospital and Dr. K. to feel the massive amount of tears that flowed after Soojin’s death.

This fund will be used to help pay legal fees, including the retainer for the lawyer, the fee to fly to Jordan to testify in court, the fee to translate all the relevant files from Arabic to English, and other related costs involving this lawsuit, which could take several years.

To donate, please visit here.


I did not kill my wife and the famous medical doctor was pressed charges

The Office of the Prosecutor of Jordan has charged Dr. K, a well-known gynecologist with professional ties to the Royal Family, with medical negligence in the case of my wife Soojin’s death. Soojin Hyung passed away due to massive bleeding in September of 2016 after giving birth to my son Theo. Had this happened in Japan, it would be on the front page of every major newspaper. But in Jordan, a country ranked 138th in press freedom, the media is silent. The prosecutor states that, even though Dr. K should have been aware of the possibility of massive bleeding after conducting a C-Section on Soojin, he did not provide proper and timely medical care, such as doing a hysterectomy, that, as a result, resulted in the death of my wife.


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However, unlike in Japan where the criminal conviction rate is 99.9 percent, Jordan is less thorough, with a conviction rate of about 50 percent. Since Dr. K is obviously well-connected to many influential people in the country, we still do not know what could happen in court. Thus, I would like to make a plea to all my readers. Please share this article with as many people as possible, in order to send a message to the judiciary in Jordan. We need to let them know that many people all over the world are watching this court case.

There have been several obstacles leading up to this point. The first one was the hospital. I was asked for a quick decision on where to bury the body of my wife, Jordan, Korea, or Japan. Having watched the famous Japanese soap opera "Shiroi Kyoto" about medical malpractice, I knew that I had to immediately request an autopsy. I called my friend working for the United Nations in Jordan and asked him to introduce any lawyer specialized in this field. Then, a lawyer came to the hospital four hours after she passed away and the autopsy was arranged.

The next obstacle was my family. My mother said to me "Don’t sue the hospital. You will be the only one to suffer from this". Then, my parents-in-law (Koreans) told me "the Korean embassy in Jordan told us that the hospital is very famous and there is no chance of winning a lawsuit. It would be waste of time and money". Immediately after the death of my wife, I sat in front of my computer and recorded every single memory since we stepped inside the hospital, who did what and when. That took me several days, and I had to ask my friends to look after my son in the meantime. My father in law, who came to Jordan, said, "why can you not focus on your son?” But, in case there is a court hearing, I would be the only one in the world who can testify for the sake of my wife. So I had to ignore his advice.

Several friends also became obstacles. I showed all the medical files from the hospital to my friend in Jordan working for UN as a medical doctor, and he said, "it does not look like there was any negligence. The hospital is providing a lot of blood". A Jordanian medical doctor introduced by this friend did not point out any problem in the files. Some days later, I sent the same files to gynecologists in Japan and they said "this is not what we would call a medical record. We cannot even see the vital signs of the patient". Could it be that the friend and the Jordanian doctor simply didn’t want to get involved in this matter, and were indirectly discouraging me from suing Dr. K? Many other friends also asked me "what is the point of putting so much energy into this?”

But after I lost my wife, I completely lost any further fear of loss. Why would I suffer from suing Dr. K? If there is anything that can make me suffer more than I am now, it would be someone trying to prevent me from doing what I want to do. I will take any risk, no matter the time and money, to know why my wife died that day. I want to be able to explain to my son why he was only able to spend 22 hours in the same world as his mother.

The biggest obstacle was finding the right lawyer. I had only lived in Jordan for six months and was not familiar with the judicial system. I further wondered if any lawyer would be willing to submit a complaint against a doctor well connected with influential people. The first lawyer, who arranged the autopsy, said after seeing the autopsy report, which contained the medical report prepared by Dr. K, that "with this, it would be difficult to file the case". I immediately ended our contract.

Then, one of my friends working for the UN in Jordan connected me to a well-regarded lawyer among foreign embassies in the country. I called him and he replied, "the autopsy report is very important. If the report reveals that there was some wrongdoing, that is sufficient to sue the doctor." Then, when he noticed that the autopsy report was copied and pasted from the medical report issued by the hospital, he said "this is ridiculous! The doctor who conducted the autopsy might have been bribed. Let's have a meeting". He carefully listened to what I saw in the hospital in chronological order and told me that "we should not leave Dr. K free to conduct medical operations anymore." He agreed to be my lawyer.

I then submitted a blog article detailing the circumstances of Soojin’s death to the Huffington Post Japan, and it was picked up by the Asahi Newspaper. A friend translated it into Korean and it was cross-posted in the Huffington Post Korea. It was then translated into Arabic and English, and I shared it with a group for expats living in Jordan. The group has 10,000 members and many of them shared it with their friends. Another news outlet broadcasted the story in Korea and another friend who works with a member of Royal Family in Jordan shared the article with him. My friends who know people in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Japan and Korea shared the article with their embassies in Jordan.

After I submitted a criminal complaint against Dr. K, the Prosecutor established a special committee composed of three Jordanian gynecologists, who handed over their report to the prosecutor after evaluating medical records. They stated that it is extremely odd to see such an autopsy report that includes reports prepared by the hospital. And they concluded that the hospital and Dr. K caused the death of my wife by failing to act quickly even though they must have known of the high possibility of massive bleeding caused by the loosening of the uterus. Based on this report, the prosecutor went ahead and filed criminal charges against Dr. K.

On Sep 7th 2016, Dr. K informed me of the passing of my wife, adding these words: "This is the first time such a thing has happened in this hospital". This comment incensed me, adding to the emotional shock I was experiencing. Why would I care whether or not this was the first time this happened in their hospital? That statement was no more than a reflection of his desire to protect the reputation of the hospital. I felt so helpless and guilty that I had handed over the life of my wife and child to such a man. And I became certain that Dr. K would commit the same mistake again. I now feel obliged to prevent such a tragedy from taking place again by finding out the truth behind Soojin’s death. I hope to hear a sincere and honest explanation at the trial.

私は妻を殺していない I did not kill my wife

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妻がなんで亡くなったのか、真相を知るための戦いが始まりました。 The aritle has been translated into Korean, English and Arabic.

日本語はここをクリック

日本語 http://www.huffingtonpost.jp/yoko-kuroiwa/thousand-tears_b_13414438.html

For Korean, please click here.

韓国語 Korean

http://www.huffingtonpost.kr/yoko-kuroiwa/story_b_13504210.html

English (Arabic one appears below English one. Please scroll down).

 An Open Letter to Dr. K: Why Did My Wife Die after Giving Birth?

 On Sep 6th 2016, my first child was born and the day after, my wife passed away. The cause of her death was massive bleeding after the caesarean operation. Bleeding started from her uterus after the delivery and culminated in DIC (Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation), which took away the ability of blood to clot and resulted in continuous bleeding from multiple organs of her body. She was only 33 years old.

Soojin, my wife, who is originally from South Korea, worked for the United Nations in Jordan. I followed her to Jordan as a house-husband. As long as I could stay with my wife, I was a happy man. My employment status did not really matter. This happy life ended suddenly and I could not think of writing anything about it for a while. Any word such as “sadness” or “loneliness” would not suffice to describe this loss. However, after 80 days have been passed from Soojin`s death, I decided to speak out and tell the true story to the world.

The day after she passed away I received a 2-page report from the hospital. It was written by Dr. K(I will leave the name anonymous), who was in charge of her operations and is also the president of the hospital. In the report, there was the following statement which I want to raise a concern:

"At around 6:30 AM (on Sep 7th), she (my wife) became irritable and upon trying to take her vital signs, her husband was aggressive and uncooperative and asked us to leave the room. Her condition deteriorated quickly and she went into shock. She was transferred immediately to the operating theatre and she developed cardio-vascular arrest."

This is absolutely false. Around 6:30 AM is the time when my wife was unconscious and her face turned pale while her lips became white. At such a critical time, asking medical staffs to leave the room is tantamount to murder. Nobody would do such a foolish thing. The truth is that, around that time, I was pleading to doctors and nurses, screaming "Please help! Her face is pale and she is breathing strangely !".

There were other factual mistakes in the report. According to the report, on September 1, Dr. K met both my wife and me to suggest induced labor. I did not go to the hospital on that day, so it was impossible for Dr. K to meet me. In addition, the report states that "on the night of the 5th of Sept 2016 Mrs. Soojin was advised to be admitted but refused". The truth is, however, that we were given two options: 1) to be admitted to the hospital and carry out induced labor; 2) to go home and come back later when the labor becomes stronger. The doctor did not recommend any one option over the other. We therefore decided to take the second option.

Much of the report was spent on the fact that we were unwilling to do induced labor, which was continuously recommended by the hospital. But, the connection between our unwillingness and Soojin's death was not made clear.

 The hospital also shared a set of medical files on Soojin, and I shared them with gynecologists, pediatricians and hematologists in Japan. They all state that the file lacks very basic information. In Japan, a medical report is supposed to consist doctor's statements on results of medical examinations, the evaluation of patients' condition, and justification for which medical interventions were taken at which stage. However, the file did not contain any of these materials. They also did not notice any data that justifies the implementation of emergency caesarean for Soojin at five pm on Sep 6th. In addition, Soojin went through three more emergency medical operations to stop continuous bleeding, but the file did not have any indicators such as heart-rate and pulse during these operations. Due to this, there were so many questions such as whether they conducted a blood test at the right timing, whether the amount of blood transfusion was appropriate, whether hysterectomy was done at the right moment, and when the hospital noticed that Soojin was in the condition of DIC.

I prepared a letter to Dr.K with three main requests. First, I asked him to edit incorrect information on his medical report. Second, I asked him to share all the medical data including Soojin's pulse and heart-rate. Lastly, I asked him to explain how they evaluated the condition of Soojin in a chronological order and what interventions they took at which stage based on what information. On Oct 5th, I went to the hospital and submitted the letter to directly to Dr.K in person and asked him to respond by Oct 12th.
On Oct 12th, I received an email from Dr. K. It stated that " The File and supporting Documents including the Medical Report dated 8 September 2016 explain and clarify in full details the events, medical measures and procedures that took place in respect of late Mrs. Soojin Hyung' case". All my questions were ignored. I replied, "please read my questions carefully and answer one by one". Then, he replied that "all the information on the report is correct, except for that I met only Soojin on Sep 1st. For the rest of questions, please give me one week to prepare". As of Dec 5th, I have not received anything.

Then, something more unbelievable occurred. On Oct 7th, I received the autopsy report. Much of this four page hand-written report was copied and pasted from the report written by Dr. K. Needless to say, the part I asked medical staff to leave the room is included (which is not true, as I mentioned above). Moreover, Soojin's uterus was not examined. The original cause of her death is bleeding from her uterus, so, without examining her uterus, it would be difficult to know the real cause in more details. During the operations, Soojin's uterus was taken out, without prior consensus nor notification afterwards, and it was not even examined in the autopsy. I do not even know where it is currently.

There is no gynecologist in Middle East who does not know Dr. K. The royal family in Jordan is treated by Dr.K and many pregnant women from neighboring countries come to Jordan just to seek his medical expertise. Many Western diplomats in Jordan also use this hospital for their deliveries. In other words, Dr K is the “King” of this field.

That is well reflected in the last sentence of the report by Dr. K: "I would like to emphasize at the end that there was no negligence at all or delay from the hospital". "Negligence", which, in principal, can only be judged by the judiciary, is being defined by the doctor himself, who was in charge of the operations. It is difficult to believe that such statement can so openly be made in the official letter.

There is not much a foreigner like me can do to take action against such a famous doctor in the Middle East. If there is an institution that can help me, it would be either Korean embassy or Japanese embassy in Jordan. I asked both embassies if they can accompany me to submit a letter to Dr. K, after explaining that I did not get all the information I needed from the hospital.
However, Korean embassy refused by stating "it is not the job of the embassy to raise medical questions to the hospital", and Japanese embassy also declined by saying "since the embassy is not the party directly concerned with this case, the best thing is to solve within the conflict resolution system, that includes judiciary, in Jordan".

I was not yet in the stage to file a lawsuit against the hospital. I was not even raising medical questions. I just wanted to get information on why my wife had to pass away. One of the main jobs of the embassies is to protect the citizens of the country they represent. I wonder if the definition of "protect" can include getting information on the cause of the death for the beloved families.
There seemed to be no way out for me, so I had to go for the last resort. I was forced to go back to Japan at the end of Oct, since I could no longer apply for visa extension as a dependent of Soojin. Then, I flew back to Jordan on Nov 29th and, with support from a Jordanian lawyer introduced by my friend, I submitted a letter of complaint against the hospital and Dr. K to the Office of General Prosecutor in Jordan. On Nov 30th, a prosecutor called me for an interview and he promised me to order the hospital to disclose all the information related to the death of Soojin. Based on all the information he will collect from the people concerned with this case, he will determine whether or not he can indict the hospital and Dr. K.

However, I cannot trust if the hospital will sincerely submit all the information to the prosecutor. They took out the uterus of Soojin without prior consensus or notification afterwards, and did not even submit it for the autopsy. They have not replied to my letter which was submitted on Oct 5th. I highly suspect that the hospital may hide some important information or even fabricate their medical record. I would like to request to all the institutions in concern, including Korean and Japanese embassies, to ask the hospital to fully cooperate with the investigation by the prosecutor. I am neither here to revenge against Dr. K nor to get compensation. I just want to know the truth. I would like to know why my beloved wife had to leave me in such an early stage of her life.

I named my son "千汪”(Theo). 千 means one thousand in Japanese, and 汪 means lots of tears. When he was born and welcomed to the world, one thousand people shed tears; I would like him to be as sympathetic to tears of others as her mother was. And, I would like to request the hospital and Dr. K to sincerely feel the massive amount of tears that came out after the death of Soojin.

Arabic

رسالة مفتوحة إلى الطبيب "ك" بشأن وفاة زوجتي بعد الولادة
في السادس من سبتمبر، جاء ابني الأول إلى هذا العالم وفي اليوم الذي تلاه توفت زوجتي. سبب الوفاة كان نزيف حاد بعد العملية القيصرية. بدأ النزيف في الرحم بعد الولادة وأدى إلى "تخثر منتثر داخل الأوعية الدموية"، والذي أدى إلى منع الدم من التجلط مما نتج عنه نزيف متواصل في عدة أعضاء من جسدها. زوجتي كانت تبلغ من العمر ثلاثة وثلاثين عاما فقط.

زوجتي، سوجين، تنحدر من جنوب كوريا وكانت تعمل مع منظمة الأمم المتحدة في الأردن. وقمت أنا باللحاق بها إلى الأردن ولم أكترث أنه سأبقى في المنزل دون وظيفة طالما كنت بجانبها. إلا أن حياتنا السعيدة انتهت بشكل مفاجئ ولم استطع أن اكتب عن زوجتي بعد رحيلها المؤلم. لا يوجد أي كلمة تعبر عن الفقدان الذي أشعر به، كلمات كالحزن أو الوحدة لا يعبران عن الشعور الذي ينتابني. الآن وبعد مرور أكثر من ثمانون يوما على رحيل زوجتي سوجين، قررت أن أتكلم واسرد القصة الكاملة للعالم.
بعد يوم واحد من وفاة زوجتي، استلمت تقرير من صفحتين من المستشفى قام بكتابته الطبيب "ك" (سأترك الأسم مجهولا للآن)، وهو المسؤول عن إدارة عمليات المستشفى وفي نفس الوقت هو رئيسها. جاء في التقرير ما يلي وهو الذي أريد لفت النظر إليه:
" في الساعة 6:30 صباحا في السابع من سبتمبر، أصبحت المريضة عصبية وعند محاولتنا لأخذ مؤشراتها الحيوية أصبح زوجها عنيفا وغير متعاون وقال لنا بمغادرة الغرفة. تدهور وضعها بسرعة وأصيبت بصدمة. تم نقلها فورا إلى مسرح العمليات وهنالك أصيبت بتوقف القلب والأوعية الدموية".

إلا أن هذا لم يحدث ولا يمت للحقيقة بصلة. ففي قرابة الساعة 6:30 صباحا، فقدت زوجتي الوعي ووجهها أصبح شاحبا. في هذا الوقت الحساس، الطلب من الطاقم الطبي بمغادرة الغرفة هو أشبه بجريمة القتل ولا يوجد أحد في وعيه الطبيعي يمكن أن يطلب هذا الشيء والذي يمنع من إنقاذ زوجته. بالواقع وفي هذا الوقت كنت أتوسل للأطباء والممرضين وأسترجي المساعدة لأن وجهها أصبح شاحبا وأصبحت تتنفس بشكل غريب.

كان هنالك أيضا أخطاء وقائعية في التقرير إذ ذكر أيضا أنه في الأول من سبتمبر، قابل الطبيب "ك" بمقابلتنا أنا وزوجتي وقام بإقتراح الطلق الصناعي، إلا أنني لم استطع الذهاب للمستشفى في ذلك اليوم فلم يكن من المعقول أن يكون قد قابلني الطبيب "ك". بالإضافة لذلك، يقول التقرير أنه "في ليلة الخامس من سبتمبر، 2016، تم نصح السيدة سوجين بإدخالها للمستشفى إلا أنها رفضت". وبالحقيقة تم إعطاءنا خيارين؛ الأول أن يتم الإدخال للمستشفى وإجراء الطلق الصناعي والثاني أن نذهب إلى البيت ونعود لاحقا عند اشتداد الطلق. لم يبدي الطبيب أي تفضيل لخيار فوق الآخر وعليه قمنا أنا وزوجتي بإختيار الخيار الثاني.
معظم التقرير تركز على عدم رغبتنا بإجراء الطلق الصناعي، والذي تم اقتراحه من قبل المستشفى. الا أن الصلة بين عدم رغبتنا بإجراء الطلق الصناعي ووفاة سوجين لم تكن واضحة.
قام المستشفى أيضا بمشاركة تقارير طبية خاصة بزوجتي سوجين وقمت بعرضها على أخصائي أمراض النساء وأطباء الأطفال وأخصائي امراض الدم في اليابان واللذين أجمعوا بأن التقرير يفتقر لمعلومات أساسية. في اليابان، التقرير الطبي يجب أن يحتوي على تقارير الطبيب بخصوص الفحوصات الطبية، وتقييم وضع المرضى، وتبرير التدخلات الطبية التي تم اجراؤها وفي أي مرحلة تم العمل بها. التقرير الذي أخذته لم يحتوي على أي من هذا المعلومات. وأيضا، لم يلحظ الأطباء اليابانيون أي معلومات تبرر تنفيذ العملية القيصرية لزوجتي سوجين في الساعة الخامسة مساءا في السادس من سبتمبر. وبالإضافة لذلك، تم اجراء ثلاثة عمليات مستعجلة لسوجين لوقف النزيف المتواصل، إلا أن التقرير لم يحتوي على أي مؤشرات كسرعة دقات القلب والنبض والتي تم أخذها في تلك العمليات. وعليه، فإن هنالك عدة تساؤلات يثيرها التقرير فيما إذا قاموا بعمل فحص الدم في الوقت المناسب، وفيما اذا كانت الكمية لنقل الدم كافية، واذا تم استئصال الرحم في الوقت المناسب، والوقت الذي لاحظ به المستشفى أن قلب والأوعية الدموية لسوجين كانوا في حالة توقف.

قمت بتحضير رسالة إلى الطبيب "ك" تحتوي على ثلاثة أسئلة رئيسية. أولا، سألته إن كان بإمكانه تعديل المعلومات غير الصحيحة في التقرير الطبي. ثانيا، طلبت منه إعطائي نسخة عن المعلومات الطبية الكاملة المتعلقة بزوجتي والتي تشمل النبض وسرعة دقات القلب. وأخيرا، سألته أن يشرح لي كيفية تقييمهم لوضع زوجتي في التسلسل الزمني والتدخلات الطبية التي تم اجراؤها وبأي مرحلة تمت ووفقا لماذا.
في الخامس من أكتوبر، ذهبت للمستشفى وقمت بتسليم الرسالة مباشرة إلى الطبيب "ك" وطلبت منه الجواب في الثاني عشر من نفس الشهر. وفي ذلك اليوم، تلقيت بريد الكتروني من الطبيب "ك" ذكر به التالي: " الملف والمستندات الداعمة في التقرير الطبي المؤرخ بتاريخ سبتمبر 8، 2016 تشرح وتوضح التفاصيل الكاملة للأحداث والإجراءات الطبية التي تم تنفيذها بخصوص حالة السيدة سوجين المرحومة".
تم تجاهل كافة اسئلتي وقمت بالرد عليه بأن يقرأ اسئلتي بتمعن وأن يجاوب عنها واحدا تلو الآخر. وبعد رسالتي، قام بالرد علي بالتالي: " كافة المعلومات المذكورة في التقرير الطبي صحيحة، فيما عدا أنني رأيت سوجين لوحدها في الأول من سبتمبر، وبالنسبة لباقي الأسئلة، أرجو اعطائي مهلة أسبوع للرد عليك". لتاريخ الآن الخامس من ديسمبر، لم أستلم أي شيء.



بعد تراسلي مع الطبيب، حصل شيء لا يمكن تصديقه. في السابع من أكتوبر، استلمت تقرير التشريح والذي تم كتابته بخط اليد على أربعة صفحات. تقرير التشريح كان مطابقا لتقرير الطبيب "ك"، حيث تم نسخ الكلمات ووضعها في هذا التقرير. وبالطبع، ذكر تقرير التشريح كيف أنني قمت بالطلب من الطاقم الطبي بمغادرة الغرفة (الأمر الذي ذكرته سابقا ولم يحدث على الإطلاق).
بالإضافة لذلك، لم يتم فحص رحم سوجين في التشريح. السبب الأصلي لوفاتها هو النزيف من الرحم، ومن غير فحص الرحم يستحيل معرفة السبب الحقيقي للوفاة بالتفصيل. أثناء العمليات، تم إزالة رحم سوجين دون الحصول على الموافقة ودون تبليغي بعدها أيضا ولم يتم فحص الرحم خلال التشريح. لا أعلم أين هو أصلا!
لا يوجد أي طبيب أمراض نسائية في الشرق الأوسط لا يعرف من هو الطبيب "ك". بعض أعضاء العائلة المالكة في الأردن يتعالجون عنده والعديد من النساء الحوامل من الدول المجاورة يأتون للأردن من أجل الإستفادة من خبرته الطبية. والعديد أيضا من الدبلوماسيين الأجانب يذهبون للمستشفى الخاص به من أجل الولادة. بكلمات أُخرى، الطبيب "ك" هو "ملكا" في هذا المجال.
في التقرير الذي بعثه لي الطبيب "ك"، هنالك جملة أختتم بها التقرير تقول: " أود التركيز بأنه لم يكن هنالك إهمالا أو تأخير على الإطلاق من المستشفى". كلمة "إهمال" والتي من المفروض أن يتم النظر فيها من الجهات القضائية، استخدمها الطبيب هنا في التقرير والذي كان مسؤولا عن العمليات. من الصعب تصديق أن هذه الجملة تم إستخدامها في التقرير الرسمي للمستشفى.
بصفتي أجنبيا، لا يمكنني القيام بأي إجراء قضائي بحق طبيب مشهور في الشرق الأوسط. وإن كان هنالك أي جهة رسمية يمكن أن تساعدني، فإنها ستكون أما السفارة الكورية أو السفارة اليابانية في الأردن. قمت بسؤال كلا السفارتين ان كان بإمكانهما مرافقتي لتسليم الرسالة إلى الطبيب "ك"، بعد أن قمت بشرح لهما أنني لم احصل على المعلومات الوافية من المستشفى إلا أن السفارة الكورية رفضت بقولها التالي "أن عمل السفارة لا يقتضي إثارة اسئلة طبية للمستشفى"، ورفضت ايضا السفارة اليابانية بقولها " أن السفارة غير معنية مباشرة بهذه القضية، وأفضل الخيارات الآن هو حل هذا النزاع ضمن نطاق نظام حل النزاعات في الأردن ومن ضمنها النظام القضائي".
لم أكن بهذه المرحلة بصدد مقاضاة المستشفى، ولم أقم ايضا بإثارة اسئلة طبية. أردت فقط معرفة لماذا توفت زوجتي... من أساسيات وظائف السفارات هو حماية مواطني البلد الذي تمثله السفارة. هل بإمكان "الحماية" أن تشمل الحصول على معلومات بخصوص وفاة مواطنيها ومساعدة أهل المتوفي؟
لم يكن لدي أي خيار سوى العودة لبلدي اليابان بنهاية شهر أكتوبر بما أنني لا أستطيع تمديد تأشيرتي كوني معتمد على زوجتي. وفي التاسع وعشرون من نوفمبر عدت للأردن، وبمساعدة محامي أردني تعرفت عليه عن طريق صديقي، قمت برفع رسالة شكوى ضد المستشفى والطبيب "ك" عند مكتب المدعي العام في الأردن. في الثلاثون من نفس الشهر، طلبني المدعي العامي لمقابلته ووعدني بأمر المستشفى بالإفصاح عن جميع المعلومات المتعلقة بوفاة سوجين. ووفقا لهذه المعلومات، سيقوم المدعي العام بطلب جميع الأشخاص المرتبطين بهذه القضية وسيقوم بأخذ القرار بخصوص توجيه تهمة للمستشفى والطبيب "ك".
الا أنني لا أثق بأن المستشفى سيقوم بتسليم كافة المعلومات للمدعي العام. قام المستشفى بإزالة الرحم بدون موافقة مسبقة أو دون تبليغي بعد إزالته ولم يقوموا بتسليمه للتشريح. لم يقم المستشفى أيضا بالرد على رسالتي والتي قمت بتسليمها في الخامس من أكتوبر. لدي شك كبير بأن المستشفى سيقوم بإخفاء معلومات هامة أو سيقوم بتلفيق الملف الطبي. أود الطلب من جميه الجهات الرسمية المتعلقة، بما في ذلك سفارتي كوريا واليابان، بالطلب من المستشفى التعاون الكامل مع تحقيق المدعي العام. أنا لا أريد الثأر من الطبيب "ك" أو الحصول على تعويض. أريد فقط معرفة الحقيقة. أريد أن أعرف لماذا تركتني زوجتي في هذه المرحلة المبكرة من حياتها.
قمت بتسمية أبني "ثيو" وهو اسم ياباني يحمل في معانيه الألف من الدموع. حيث عند ولادته إلى هذا العالم، انهمرت ألف دمعة على فراق أمه. أود أن يحمل في قلبه دموع الرحمة تجاه الآخرين مثلما كانت أمه تشعر مع الآخرين. وأود أخيرا من الطبيب "ك" أن يشعر بكمية الدموع التي نزلت بسبب وفاة زوجتي سوجين.






読者の皆様へ。感謝の言葉。

読者の皆さまへ

このたびは、私の朝日の投稿記事にたくさんの反響を頂き、ありがとうございました!Eメールやフェースブックを通して30人以上の方から感想をいただきました。毎日新聞時代を含め、一つの記事で、こんなに多くの方から感想を頂くのは初めてのことでした。

新潟の実家にも「感動した」などとの電話があったようです。もちろん、全員、知り合いの方なのですが、数年、音信不通になっていた従兄弟や、普段、ほとんど連絡を取らない知り合いが大部分を占めました。

国際機関の元職員で、結婚して日本に戻られた友人(女性)は、短期コンサルの仕事を見つけたが、出産を機に契約が更新されなかったということです。「日本で女性の働きづらさを実感しました」といい、私の記事が「心に響いた」と言っていただきました。

もうすぐ2人目が生まれるという30代男性の方は、地方支社で働きながら、何とか育児と仕事を両立させているということです。しかし、これから本社に上がることになれば、育児に費やせる時間がなくなることを危惧し、「育児の後に、当たり前のように就職活動できる社会になってくれたらいい」と指摘しました。

ジェンダーを専門にされているある大学の非常勤講師の方(女性)によると、「日本の男女共同参画といわれるものは、どうも、女性ばかりになっていて、育児や介護をしたいといっている男性を支援する対策が見落とされがち」ということでした。

子どもが二人いる友人(男性)は、これまで、夫婦間の、家庭観や子育てに関する認識の違いで、家庭的危機が何度かあったそうです。「その認識の違いの大元の原因が、日本の社会にあると思います」と指摘し、「女性をもっと社会に登用しようということ自体が、とても男の世界の発想」と、政府の政策に対しては、何かしらしらけるところがあったということですが、「黒岩さんの文を読んで、具体的ないい言葉が見つかった気がします」と、これまた最高のお褒めの言葉を頂戴しました。

これだけ多くの感想をいただき、私も何か原点に立ち戻ることができたような気がします。すでに、何百本のブログ記事を書いてきましたが、これまで一度も読者の皆さんに「お礼」をしたことがなかったことに気づきました。最初に私が何か書こうと思い立ったのは、20歳のとき、タイの難民キャンプを訪れたときでした。そのときは、「誰も私の文章なんて読んでくれないだろうけど、でもせめて、親くらいは読んでくれるだろう」という思いがペンを走らせました。読み手あったの書き手なのです。

だから、今回、皆様のおかげで、もっと書こうというエネルギーをいただきました。ながーくて、つたない文章ですが、どうか、これからもよろしくお願いします。皆様から色々勉強しながら、一字一字、ゆっくり綴っていきたいと思います。また、心に響く文章が書けるように。



プロフィール

seventh star 7

Author:seventh star 7
黒岩揺光  
1981年、新潟生まれ。7人兄弟の末っ子。15歳で米国留学して以来、住んだ国は計8カ国に。海外生活計17年。日本では毎日新聞記者、アフリカでは難民キャンプの工場長、アゼルバイジャンで主夫、ジュネーブで国連職員などを歴任。ヨルダンで長男出産後に前妻が死亡。日本に帰国後、再婚し、新潟で暮らす。
 著書に「僕は七輪でみんなをハッピーにしたい」(ユーキャン)「国境に宿る魂」(世織書房)。
メール連絡先 yokuroi×hotmail.com (「×」を「@」にしてください) ツイッター:@YokoKuroiwa

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